Do you ever feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under screams
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
‘Cause there’s a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the fourth of July

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ‘em what your worth
Make ‘em go “oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ‘em go “oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ‘em falling down down down

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it’s time, you’ll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the fourth of July

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ‘em what your worth
Make ‘em go “oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ‘em go “oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ‘em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
And it’s always been inside of you you you
And now it’s time to let it through

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ‘em what your worth
Make ‘em go “oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ‘em go “oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ‘em all in awe awe awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

ps Syiby (moderator MacMini) or anybody, could you please email me the picture Zidni took when we were together in the hospital? Whenever you are ‘operating’ the Mac.

Taski Aisyah

Arifah has finished her pre-school programme, in Taski Saidatina Aisyah, ABIM.

The grand celebration is organised in a big hall in MPOB, Bangi. She took part in a play as a white bird, and it took me quite some while to find a full white attire. Luckily we found one which she agreed fit the criteria, and bought it in a shop at Nilai 1.

 The title of the play is ‘Balasan Gajah yang Jahat”. She enjoyed the play.

Arifah also took part in the nasyid singing, entitled Mari Bersolat and Salam Perpisahan.

This is the last picture I have of mok in my camera. Alimah is wearing Afifah’s tudung, and mok is wearing mine. Mok, I miss you so much.

All of us miss you so much….

Ashbi’s worries is “Why I am not worried about the coming PMR?”  That is what you told me two weeks ago. And you want to prove that if you always read, you dont need to read so close to the exam time. Meaning that we have to get on top of everything all of the times.

Ashbi, today is the first time I read your blogroll. The content shows your maturity. I am proud of you. You have a very bright future ahead, you are still very young… so don’t make mistakes. Some mistakes we made, we cannot undo. Some mistakes we made, cost a year or even 5 years of our lives. Some mistakes we made, effect someone’s life. I think if I decided to proceed becoming a doctor, you guys won’t be so scared to venture the same path. You are a gifted boy, Ashbi….

Ashbi, I remember holding you when you are a baby. You are the most beautiful baby in the world. And I remember deciding your name in 1995, I told you to look it up in Tanbihul Ghafilin, right? And you now have to decide what you want to be. Take as much time to decide, but dont take too long because we need to prepare for this decision of yours.

Whatever result you get for your PMR, I will always be proud of you..

23 Dec 2010; Ashbi got 8A in PMR. Well done, we are very proud of you.

Mynie has written something about dos and donts in the first few days when a friend or relative lost a loved one.

http://everydayicecubes.blogspot.com/2010/07/dos-donts.html

I want to add/ask something for discussions.

1. Why women in Terengganu (or is it in Manir only) cannot pray for jenazah?

2. What is the ‘hukum’ of women being in the ‘tanah perkuburan’? Can we drink there?

3. Is it common to give out ‘ang pow’ to people who come to perform ‘solat jenazah’?

I noticed that during the tahlil (held for 3 nights in a row), there are certain people whom we dont know, came and did not open their mouth, not even when alFatihah was recited. So, I told Arifah who was being very supportive to distribute each of them a Yassin. I felt that if they dont know how to read and recite, at least they will read the translation in Malay Rumi. And these are the kind of people, my grandmother was worried about not coming: ‘rama dok orang mari malan ning?’. After these experiences, I told my siblings, lets do our tahlil at home every time we can get together ie after solat jemaah Isya’. This is to answer a lot of question from people…. ” ada buat tahlil tak kat Bangi?” “nanti buat tahlil panggil ya?” and so on.

Al-Fatehah buat ibuku tersayang, Puan A’esah binti Abdul Rahman (1955-2010).

For English version, I am sure Ayoh’s website would be describing more details but mine should be brief.  Satu peristiwa yang akan mengubah seluruh hidup kami sekeluarga. Mok (panggilan kami kepada ibu) dilahirkan pada 24 April 1955, dan menghembuskan nafasnya (dengan bantuan alat pernafasan) pada 20 Jun 2010 di Hospital Serdang kerana massive interkranial bleeding atau istilah lainnya heamorrage strok.

Pada lebih kurang pukul 5 petang Jumaat 18 Jun, setelah menidurkan anak saya (yang kedua, Aidah, diasuh oleh mok sepemergian saya ke pejabat), mok mengingatkan ayoh untuk solat Asar. Semasa ayoh solat, mok sediakan teh tarik kegemaran ayoh, dan sambil minum di bilik, mok sempat mengurut dan menggosok bahu dan kaki ayoh. Selepas itu menurut kata ayoh, ayoh nampok mok basuh pinggan di dapur. Bila ayoh beralih ke meja study, ayoh terdengar suara baby menangis, mungkin anak saya, tapi tak melarat, jadi ayoh jenguk ke dapur dan lihat mok sudah terbaring di lantai dapur. Ayoh pangku mok, katanya mok sedang cuba bernafas (very heavy breathing), dan terus tak sedarkan diri. Ayoh segera telefon kami yang masih dalam perjalanan pulang. Muzani (#4) yang paling awal sampai dan mok dimasukkan ke Wad Kecemasan di Hospital Serdang setengah jam kemudian.

Di sana, saya dipertemukan dengan doktor bertugas, kebetulannya kawan sekelas masa di Matrikulasi UKM, Dr Farah Alwi. Dia tunjukkan CT scan kepala mok, dan terangkan perkara ini adalah sangat catastrophic. Doktor pakar neurosurgeon di Hopital Kuala Lumpur dan Hospital Sg Buluh akan dirujuk samaada pembedahan boleh dilakukan untuk mengeluarkan darah beku di pangkal otak mok. Malam itu, mok berehat di Wad 7B ditemani oleh Alya (#5).

Esoknya, darah mok sangat rendah, doktor berusaha menaikkannya dengan bantuan ubat dopamine dan pasangannya. Namun, doktor tidak memberikan harapan yang cerah kepada kami. Dr Lai menerangkan kepada ayoh, pendarahan dalam kepala mok sangat besar dan serius. Tuk Seni dari Terengganu dah sampai, begitu juga 6 orang adik-adik mok. Kawan-kawan mok pun ramai yang menziarah di hospital pada hari Sabtu. Malam itu, saya dan Cik de Zu berjaga di sisi mok. Kami berjaga kerana ubat yang dimasuk dalam darah mok tu cepat habis dan doktor perlu putuskan untuk tambahkan dosnya. Menjelang pagi, dos yang diberi sudah hampir tahap maksimum.

Saya tidak pulang ke rumah berjumpa anak-anak, mujurkan dua orang adik ipar kebetulan tinggal bersama dan merekalah yang menjaga Arifah, Aidah dan Alimah sepanjang saya berada di hospital. Pengasuh Alimah, Kak Shima pun turut membantu. Pada hari Ahad, keadaan mok semakin tenat. Doktor berbisik pada saya supaya selalu ucapkan syahadah di telinga mok. Kami telah mula membaca surah Yassin dan sebagainya sejak semalam. Hari ini juga ramai kawan-kawan mak dan saudara mara terdekat datang melawat. Yang merisaukan kami ialah tekanan darah ayoh naik tinggi. Saya tak mahu pulang ke rumah, dos ubat dah maksimum, 20 mg dan jantung mok terpaksa bergerak laju mengepam darah. Lama kelamaan tekanan darah menjadi sangat rendah dan begitu juga dengupan jantung. Kami dah maklumkan nurse awal lagi, dan bila bacaan tekanan darah dan jantung menjadi ?, kami diarahkan keluar dari bilik untuk doktor merawat mok. Masa kematian dicatatkan pada 10.15 malam.

Zidni (#3) dan suami saya, Eddy ditugaskan menemani mok dalam van jenazah, saya dan anak-anak menaiki kereta yang lain. Kereta yang dipandu Hanief dan Malini (#2) pula rosak di Temerloh, mereka tinggalkan saja  di sana.  Mok dimandikan di bilik tok dan arwah tokki dan disembahyangkan selepas Zohor. Mok disemadikan di sisi ayahnya, Tokki Abdul Rahman di Kg Paya Datu, Manir. Kami adakan majlis tahlil 3 malam berturut-turut di rumah Tok Seni dan pulang ke Bangi pada Khamis yang berikutnya. Life goes on. Semoga Allah mengampunkan segala dosa mok, kasihanilah dia seperti mana dia mengasihani ku semasa diriku masih kecil, sejukkanlah kuburnya. Ya Allah Kau Maha Kuasa. Amin.

Anyway, among others things are, Alimah being sick for the first time. I am quite worried so I went to the clinic but the visit was a frustration.
” Ya, ada apa masalah, adik demam ya?”
” Badan dia panas, tapi saya dah cuba kurangkan dengan mandikan selalu, lap dgn tuala basah, dan bagi minum air masak banyak-banyak. Ada apa-apa lagi tak yang saya boleh buat untuk dia?
“Bukak mulut dik, aa aa, saya picit pipi sikit ya, ha nangis nangis…”
“Uwa…uwa…”
“Selak baju dia sikit ya kak….. emm paaru-paru dia ok, cuma tekak merah sikit. Saya bagi ubat demam, ubat selsema, ubat batuk, dan ubat antibiotik ya”
“OK ya, lepas ni baik….”
?????
1. She did not answer my question.
2. I did not come for medicine. I did not use any of it, and Alimah now is well after 24 hours of fever.
3. What is her advice to me? Where is the consultation?
4. So, my employer is paying for the medicine only?
We decided not to visit that doctor again (kira dah pangkah la), anybody can suggest any good family doctor around Bangi?

The school holiday is around the corner. My mom is going back to Terengganu, so I need a place to ‘transit’ Aidah for 2 weeks. Luckily Kak Shima with the help of Kak Nurhaya is happy to welcome her. Kak Shima is expecting her bibik to arrive tomorrow. Arifah will stay in TASKI for the first week, and for the second week I am planning to send her for KEM SOLEH in Masjid Nilai. So she is coming with me to work every day during that week.

I am leaving for Terengganu tomorrow, with Alimah only,  leaving Aidah and Arifah with their abi at home- its ok, their Cik Mi and Mok Su is there), travelling in Zidni’s newly repaired car, together with Muzani and mum et al (meaning, Alya Ashbi and Asri, minus CB). The special occasion is our cousin, Syamrin is getting married to Yasmin, in Kemaman. We hope the arrangements go well as planned.

More, Saadah is here to stay. She got a temporary teaching position in a secondary school near Kajang. She is being very independent at home and at work, she rides her own motorcycle to work! Well done. That’s it for now. Oh, this is our only family picture taken in April at Pusat Sains Negara.